and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just puked most of my soul out..
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
