I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
