I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
