I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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