Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Farmville is her only friend.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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