I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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