small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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