i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
