in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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