the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
