anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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