the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
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So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
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listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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