haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Of course I have a pirate flag
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
