I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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