I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
