one two three fourrrrnication!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
