just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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