when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
