These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
