I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
