Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
