You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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