I only kidnapped one of them. chill
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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