I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
