i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
