I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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