Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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