Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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