how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
