exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
