So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize