I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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