Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
