when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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