Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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