All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
