If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
there was a trapeze. enough said
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
