By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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