The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
