We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
