dude i'm inner monologue high
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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