yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
