she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
