i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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