my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
