Sponge bath it is.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
