dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
