I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
