We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
