some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
