Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
