my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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