I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
