It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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