she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
