Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
