He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
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The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
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He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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