She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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