I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Holy shit dude........stairs
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