I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
