I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
