they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
