True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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