If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
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